luvmy4girls

Today has been such a lazy day for me,cleaned a little,put away some laundry and made supper for everyone.My poor hubby has been working like crazy,so much over time,he worked last night till 8pm,then had to be back at work for 4am,was off work this afternoon at 12:30,slept for a few hours and is already back at work and it is just 6pm,he won`t be home till sometime tomorrow,he said he isn`t  sure when though.

I really hate when he works the late shift,we miss him so much,and he hates that he isn`t here to help get them to bed at night. It also bothers him that I am here on my own,that the girls will try to take advantage of mom because they know I am so tired,but we will make it through,and will have lots of family time this summer,he has lots of holidays coming this summer,we are planning on spending as much time as we can at the cabin and beach.

I love sundays,it`s such a relaxing day in our house,I love to make big sunday dinners with dessert and have family over.
Lately it hasn`t been happening,everyone is so busy doing their own thing,hubby has had to work on sundays the last few weeks,so it`s been mostly me and the girls.I am really happy to see the grass,all the snow is melting,so pretty soon my sundays will be spent going to the park and having picnics,I am so sick of being in the house,the winter months are so long in Canada.

I am really hoping that it doesn`t rain to much,it`s supposed to for the next few days,has me a little freaked out and praying because they are predicting some very bad flooding,and praing for everyone in North Dakota which is south of where I live,the red river has flooded really bad over the years,and the last flood of 97 devastated so many families in the U.S. and Canada.My friend Steph lives in North Dakota,but I am pretty sure that she is to far west of the red river,and I am praying that this doesn`t affect their family to harshly.

So for the past few weeks, my girls have been sick on and off, it started with Emma waking me in the early morning because she threw up, since then everyone has been ok. Well in the last week and a bit Alyssa was sick, she slept almost the entire weekend, only waking for short amounts of time, and she ended up missing 2 days of school, and including the weekend it was a total of 5 days of sleeping and barely eating. Then thursday Alyssa went to school,still coughing but not really ill,Emma was ok in the am, but by 2pm she was trying to fall asleep,and anyone that knows my girls,knows that they don't sleep during the day ever. I went to wake her up, and she was so hot, took her temp and it was 103.5, she had her fever and was pretty much sleeping for 2 days,Emma seemed fine, then Alexa started to get sick and she pretty much slept for a few days to.It was a pretty quiet weekend,the older 2 had sleepovers, and Brooke came home Sunday from her friends house and within 30 minutes of her being home she started complaining to, she layed on the couch and I took her temp and she was about 103.2 , and she is still hot and laying around,I am probably going to have to keep her home another day,just let her rest.
 

I am really hoping that this is the end of the sickness for a little bit, we have done really well this winter,no one has been sick till now,and I hope it stays that way,it takes forever for the sickness to works it way throught the house and to be gone,it is so exhausting, now all I wanna do is sleep,but I still have a big mess to clean since most of my time is doting on my children when they are ill.

I'm so sad right now, my husband just doesn't understand me at all. I think I'm a pretty supportive wife, I encourage him to do the things that he loves, he wanted to start a side business, I was apprehensive at first, but went along with it because he was so excited. I do not ask for very much, I don't play play games or try to manipulate him in any way, if something is bothering me I am very direct with him and tell him how I feel. When I am lonely and needing his attention I tell him, when I am stressed and need a hand with our girls, I tell him.

Well he knows how important holidays are to me, and each year holidays and birthdays come and go, and he does nothing to make anything special or memorable. Well in the past 2 months he has been looking at trucks,he wants a truck so bad, but I really didn't think it was a good idea,I do not want any debt. Well last week he was looking online and saw an ad for a truck, we were supposed to spending time together, and he took off outside of the city to go see this truck and was gone a few hours. I told him again that I didn't think it was a good idea,but he complained and bitched about it all week. On wednesday he was out doing some work with his mom,and she told him that if he wanted this truck that she would help him get it,she contributed $3000.00, and we would cover the reamining $1400.00.

He picked up the truck 2 days before valentine's day,it's all he can think about,not interested in anything else, and before he knew he was getting this truck,he was in a funk,and all down, just like a kid who can't have their own way.

I woke up on Valentine's day,not expecting much,and I was right, there he was in the kitchen making pancakes,made a huge bowl,but only made himself food,left a mess in the kitchen and then went to lay on the couch to watch t.v. and I was left with the big mess.No kiss,or anything,just bumped past me in the hallway.

I knew this would happen again,it happens every year and I just try to forget about it and not let it bother me.
So after I cleaned up this big mess,and had just come in from a smoke and went back in the kitchen,my daughter says "happy Valentines Day Mommy, what did you get from dad", and I spoke very quietly and said "nothing".Well here comes my husband,he must have heard Alyssa,because I gota little peck and he disapeared in the bedroom and locked the door.He came out a few minutes later,handed me a card and went and laid back on the couch.

We went out later that night for a birthday party,and there was a woman walking around selling roses,he didn't know that I could see him in the mirror,but she asked him if he would like to buy a rose,and he said no thanks,not interested.I thought to myself don't get upset,he probably has something planned,the day isn't over yet, not one thing did he plan.Lot's of people say I shouldn't get upset, it's just a holiday,he should show you that he loves every day and appreciate you,not just one day a year. I really hate the fact that it does bother me,he doesn't show me that he loves me everyday,and the one day that he should because it is a love holiday he doesn't.

I give him ideas all the time on small things that he could do for me,but it falls on deaf ears,he never hears me and he never remembers.I spoke to him about it,told him I was upset,and all he could say is,"sorry babe,we are broke',I would love to buy nice things but I just don't have the money", but he did manage to get himself $1400.00 to buy himself another truck,and he was to broke to buy me a single rose.I am so tired of being an after thought,because I always consider my husband and my children first,I always go without.I hate that he can be so selfish,and he doesn't even care when I am sad,or if I am crying beside him in bed,he can just turn over and go to sleep,he is just not sensitive to my needs at all,and I am so tired of it.

my husband can be so insensitive,one year on his birthday I took my last paycheck from work because I was off for the summer,and I bought a birthday cake,a card,and some really nice presents,the very next day was my 30th birthday,and I didn't even get a card or even a kiss.I just really wonder if I should give up and accept him for what he is,and ignore my own needs,or am I just being a door mat for him to walk all over?

3 out of my 4 children are diagnosed with Asthma,and it scares the hell out of me.I have been to the hospital and asthma clinics so many times until the girls were finally on the right meds.It took my daughter Brooke being hospitalized for 3 days for someone to listen to me,and if it wasn't for this woman in the asthma education clinic to help me I don't know where we would be.

After years of them not giving the right meds for my girls,they finally got the meds right and I have not been in the hospital for asthma for almost 2 full years,when previously I was there at least once or twice a month.Why do doctors never listen to parents,we know our children better than anybody else.

I took Brooke in almost 3 years ago,she was very sick and we spent about 3 hours in the emergency room.I left Brooke with my husband and went to check on my sister in law who was in labor.My husband and Brooke came through the underground tunnels to the womans hospital,he told me that Brooke was discharged but she just didn't look right to me,she was extremely short of breath and couldn't put 2 words together without gasping for air.I rushed back through the tunnels to the children's emergency and asked to speak to the doctor who was treating her,she was very rude to me and ignorant,going on and on about how it was in Brooke's head,it was for attention and she was bringing on the asthma attacks herself,that we were encouraging her behaviour,and we shouldn't be hovering over her.

I demanded to see another doctor and they put her back on the machine to check her oxygen levels,which should be no lower 98%,my poor daughter was only at 89%,the same level she was at 6 months later when she was hospitalized.This new docter was very upset,took over my daughters care and we ended up being in the hospital for another 6 hours.

Later that year Brooke was finally hospitalized,we just couldn't get her oxygen up,she was hovering between 87-89% which is not very good.This wonderful woman in the asthma education clinic explained that even though she is being treated in the emergency,not all doctors are trained very well in asthma,and they were also not giving her the right meds.We had lots of tests done,we got in to see an allergist right away,and they explained that even thought Brooke was on flo-vent,they were only telling me to give it to her for 2 weeks and then discontinue,which I found out that any asthma patient it takes 4-6 weeks for their lungs to heal.

So for almost 3 years Brooke was in a constant asthma attack,her lungs were never fully healed,I would discontinue the meds like I was told,and within a few weeks we were back in the hospital,and it would repeat all over again.I learned that a child properly diagnosed and on the right meds could live a normal childhood,run and play sports without having an attack as long as their are treating their symptoms properly.I also learned that an attack just doesn't happen out of the blue,they can seem fine for months at a time,and then suddenly they are having problems,this means that they don't have the asthma under control.

I am proud to say that my 3 girls have been properly diagnosed and are on the right meds.It has been almost 2 1/2 years since Brooke's last visit to the emergency room.Brooke is on singulair and flo-vent,she can run,play sports and participate in everything at school without needing her inhaler,these are the things she couldn't do before she was diagnosed and medicated.

So I have been reading so much lately,that I decided to get myself a library card.I have had one since I was about 15 years old,and was not sure if I still even owed the library any money(ex-boyfriend stole my books).I went in right after lunch yesterday,got my new card,didn't owe any money at all,I can't believe how excited I was to walk around the library,so many books to choose from.My husband and bff love to joke with me about my reading obsession,they call me a book geek,which makes me laugh because I have always loved to read,even as a child I always had my nose in a book.I selected 6 books,and a few parenting books,and the guy standing at the counter was kind of shocked,he kept insisting that if I needed more time I could renew them and do it a few times until I was finished them,to which I kindly told him,I have read 3 books in the past 3 days,and I would probably see him in a weeks time looking for more books,he was kind of stunned.On friday I read Goodnight Nobody by Jennifer Weiner,didn't care for it,but I make myself finish them even if I don't like them,Saturday I read Something Borrowed,by Emily Giffin,very good book,and then Sunday night I read Confessions of a Shopaholic,it was ok,but I will read the whole series just because I started it.

So I did again,I finally got everyone into bed last night,and I was so happy to have some peace and quiet.I didn't turn on the t.v. or my ipod,I picked up a book and wrapped myself up in a big warm blanket,with a hot cup of herbal tea. I started reading novels by Emily Giffen,the first book was Something Borrowed,it was a very good read,so I decided to buy the second book Something Blue.Once I started reading,I just couldn't stop,it was just as good as the first book,and before I knew it,I was completely finished the book in one sitting,4 hours and 338 pages.I just wish I didn't have to stay up till 3:30 in the morning to have some alone time.

As I am sitting here typing,I am listening to my daughters,argue back and forth,and I am thinking today is going to be a very long day.I have laundry to do,and some tidying to do in the house,and I really don't feel like it,I would rather be in the kitchen today just baking,but as soon as I am busy and my hands are full,they will destroy my house,and I will end up burning the cookies,because I am distracted and pre-occupied with everything they are doing.

I was hoping to have some time with my husband today,but again he is working for his mom,and I will be alone all day with the girls again.After he left for work,I quickly jumped in the shower,if I take too long,it is a free for all,and lords knows what I would find when I got out of the bathroom.I guess I will just suck it up,get some laundry done,roast a chicken and clean the house,and hopefully tonight after everyone is sound asleep,after Desperate Housewives is over,I will start reading the Shopaholic series,I have the first 3 books,and in a week I will probably have to order the rest,especially if they are as good as everyone says they are.

I don't know sometimes,I love my husband so much,but he also drives me crazy.After he has worked these past 3 days,I have not had a break at all from the children,once I am up, they are up,and by the time they fall asleep,I am asleep.I have no downtime.

Hubby walks in the door from work,house is clean,and I'm  just putting his dinner on a plate,he eats and barely says 2 words to me.I clear the table,and he has disappeared and the girls are in the living room watching a movie.I finally find him in the bedroom,sitting at the computer looking at trucks again in the auto trader,he sits there for about 2 hours,jumps in the shower,gets into bed and falls asleep.No kiss,no asking me how my day was,I am sick and tired of being the only one who really tries in this relationship.

I am not asking for much,not expensive presents,or fancy clothes,I really just wish sometimes that he was a little more compassionate,like I am towards him.I always thought that if I treat him the way that I want to be treated,he would reciprocate,but that doesn't really happen.I make sure he comes home to a clean house after work,the children are all taken care of and ready for bed,I make his lunch every time he works,he doesn't ask for these things,I just do it because I am at home.

I was so desperate for some alone time lastnight,so once the girls were all asleep,I stayed awake to read my book,thats the only way I get to read,and I love reading.I heard complete silence about 11pm,so I picked up my book,and before I knew it,time flew by,I finished the book and I looked at the clock,I couldn't believe that it was 3 am.I paid for that today,I was awake at 8:30am,and I have been dragging myself all day.I have to fight to even get some time alone to take a shower,someone is always banging on the door,don't matter how many times I ask if anyone needs to use the bathroom,as soon as my feet hit the tub,somone is at the door.

It's so true when I hear people say that being a mother is a sefless job,you lose your own identity,and get so wrapped up in taking care of everyone else's needs,and as soon as there is time for me,I am just to tired.

I have had a really long day,my poor husband has been working very long hours,so I have been pretty much on my own the past week.He has been working 14 1/2 hours a day,with just enough time to eat,shower,and go to bed,he has to be up at 4am.

I have been taking care of the girls,doing all the cleaning,getting in a daily workout,plus I take care of 2 other little girls during the lunch hour,while there mom's work at the school.So for about 2 hours every day I have 4-4 year olds running around my house,so hyper and working each other up anad driving me batty.

I wonder sometime how some mom's do it,everyday everything is so clean and tidy,everything in it's place,I can barely keep one room clean.Just this afternoon,I finished my workout,and started some cleaning and was almost done,when Alexa and Emma wanted something to eat.I am making them something to eat,when Alyssa my oldest comes in the door with one of her friends,they are hungry to.I make them all tuna sandwiches,I have not been out of the kitchen 2 minutes,when Alyssa is complaining,Alexa knocked her sandwich out of her hand,Alyssa is refusing to clean it up,when Emma knocks Alexa's sandwich out of her hand.Now I am getting upset,I had just finished washing the floors,and there is tuna everywhere,and they are all saying "it's not my fault".Somedays I wonder why I even bother cleaning,it seems like it is such a waste of my time,but then again I am also a bit of an OCD case,and I just can't stop cleaning.

I guess blogging is a good way to vent,I really don't want bombard my husband when he walks in the door from work.I try and keep things calm,and relaxing,which is really hard to do with 4 daughter 10 and under,but I try my hardest.